I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
