i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
i've created a new STD.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
