"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
