if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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