when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
