Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
