Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
