You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
