theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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