Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize