Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
