What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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