Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
the condom got lost in my hair
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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