"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
there is puke in my bra ... again
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
