It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
