before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
