five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
