I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
This baby is an asshole
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
