we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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