i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
