I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
