how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize