a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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