I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
