kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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