hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
