I'm eating all of the evidence.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
