I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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