You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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