meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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