The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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