I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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