The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
