i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
