I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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