Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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