im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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