She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
