Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
