my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
