Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
