help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Never let your siblings swipe right.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
