Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
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