it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize