I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
false alarm, still single
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
