every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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