Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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