Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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