I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
