I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
