Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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