I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
