I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
