The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
