The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
