porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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