yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I woke up under a house in Key West
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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