when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
