2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Brb crying the tears of my youth
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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