My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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