clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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