wanna go halves on a baby?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
