Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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