after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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