so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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