what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Two words: blizzard sex
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
