Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
