Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
