My first STD was from a foam party
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Randomize
