He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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