I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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