we made out on top of his cat.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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