I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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