Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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