So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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