I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
