Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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