Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
