I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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