Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
