I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
