I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
