They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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