and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
