you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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