I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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