He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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