Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
