Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
