nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
