just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
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