if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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