Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
