you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
