sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Send help, water and tortillas.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
