so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize