I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
