apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
