PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
