found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
