You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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