I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
