Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
