Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
