Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
